Northampton is full of trees and flowers and it’s surrounded by farmland. It’s very beautiful and all that, but it also means I woke up at 4 AM last night with snot pouring out of me.
It rained for several hours yesterday, so today all the plants are filled with vitality and looking to get it on. They couldn’t wait until sunrise for the bow-chicka-bow-bow.
I’m all for plants fully expressing their sexuality. I’m no prude. It’s just that snot is annoying and I’d left my Claritin in the car.
I fell back to sleep around 5 and woke up a little after 9. My first sight upon waking were the wads of soggy tissue scattered on the floor beside my bed. The trash can was on the other side of the bedside table. Then I got a text from Sarah: “Are you ready to go in a minute?”
Crap! I’d told Sarah I’d drive her to a doctor’s appointment at 9:30, and I hadn’t bothered to set an alarm because I’m always awake by 7. “Yup,” I replied, and then rushed around dressing, washing my face, brushing my teeth, and blowing my nose every five minutes. I had set up the coffee maker last night, so I pressed the button before starting on my ablutions, and it was ready when I was. I poured a cup and dashed out the door.
I got Sarah to her doctor, late, and then drove to a café. In the parking lot, I frantically tore the car apart looking for the bag with the Claritin in it. I found it, took it, went inside to order. I blew my nose on paper napkins in between macchiato sips and bites of hand pie. Then Sarah was done and we drove home.
Now I’m back on the porch and the Claritin has finally kicked in. My nose is clear and my brain is racing. I feel like I could knock out a script for a Jerry Bruckheimer movie! I’m going to add #winning to all my social media posts! I am the Lizard King and I’m not afraid to tell the world!
Thank you for your attention to this matter!