For a year or so, I worked with a French company helping them with their American promotions and technical writing. Sometimes I would just write things, sometimes I would edit things native French people had written in English.
English is a crazy language, particularly American English. It’s a confusing mix of words and phrases brought in from other languages and smooshed together. I remember once having to make an edit from a English word that the French writer thought would be the right word to a French word that we would actually use in the sentence. Very confusing.
In one thing they sent me, the writer had used the construction “something cum something.” Now, yes, we do occasionally use “cum” in writing in a Latin way, I explained, but most Americans would immediately think of the other definition when they saw the word. Then I had to delicately explain what the other definition was. Thankfully, the French are generally comfortable with discussing le petit mort.
Since the people I worked for were in Paris and I was here in les États Unis, our meetings took place over Zoom. Sometimes they were quick and perfunctory, and sometimes we had long chats, which they could use to practice their English.
One young guy, after we’d gotten our official business out of the way, wanted to learn more about how to swear like an American. Definitely in my wheelhouse.
So, of course, I went over our greatest and most versatile cuss word: fuck.
He knew about the proper use of motherfucker, thanks to Samuel L Jackson, and had already grasped that context was everything. I got to give him more examples than he’d ever dreamed of. For instance, if you tell someone to get laid or get lucky, it means you think they should have sex. Telling them to get fucked does not. Fools give you reasons, wise men never try.
It made me grateful that I get to write in American English. What an amazing box of toys I get to use. Now I hope you all get fucked. No, wait, get laid. No, get lucky. I hope you get lucky, in all your endeavors.